A Modest Proposal: Mean Anglisc

[Ædƿine]

An Unorn Foresetting
For forestalling þe cildren of noug men in Ireland, from being a berden on þeger alders or rike, and for making þem behooflig to þe Leed.

bi Lþ. Jonathan Swift

ƿended bi Ye_who_you_spake_of

(Þrucced 1729)



It is an unbliðlig þing to þose, hƿo ƿalk þruge þis great tune, or fare in þe rike, hƿen þeg see þe streets, þe roads, and ceetdoors cruded ƿið beggars of þe ƿifeman hoad, folloƿed bi þree, four, or six cildren, all in rags, and panhandeling eferig farrer for an alms. Þese moðers, instead of being findig to ƿork for þeger heartig liflihood, are þrucced to brook all þeger time in strolling to beg edƿist for þeger helpless barns hƿo, as þeg groƿ up, eiðer hƿarf þeefs for ƿant of ƿork, or leafe þeger dear eðelrike, to figt for þe Liccetter in Spanig, or sell þemselfs to þe Barbadoes.
I þink it is þƿeared bi all folds, þat is entisc mete of cildren in þe arms, or on þe backs, or at þe heels of þeger moðers, and often of þeger faðers, is in þe nueð cƿiðlig form of þe kingdom, a sƿiðe great ekinglig treg; and þerefore hƿoefer culd find a fager, ceap and eað cost of making þese cildren sund and brooklig liðs of þe meanƿealð, ƿuld meed so ƿell of þe leed, as to haf his likeness set up for a sceelder of þe rike.
But mi meaning is sƿiðe far from being haðered to besee onlig for þe cildren of boden beggars: it is of a muc greater andefen, and scall take in þe hƿole mete of barns at a ƿitted eld, hƿo are born of alders in ƿorking as littel findig to back þem, as þose hƿo bid ure dole in þe streets.
As to mi oƿn deal, hafing hƿarfed mi þougts for manig geres upon þis ƿorðig antimber, and fulƿaxenlig ƿeiged þe manifold draugts of ure tuters, I haf alƿags fund þem greatlig mistaken in þeger riming. It is treƿ, a cild þen dropt from its dam, mag be backed bi her milk, for a soolgere, ƿið littel oðer moos: at most not abuf þe ƿorð of tƿo scillings, hƿic þe moðer mag ƿiss get, or þe ƿorð in skraps, bi her laƿful berð of begging; and it is alsuc at one gere eld þat I forðput to besee for þem in suc a ƿise, as, instead of being a fee upon þeger alders, or þe preestscire, or ƿanting food and ƿeed for þe rest of þeger lifs, þeg scall, on þe ƿiðerƿard, geef to þe feeding, and deallig to þe cloðing of manig þusands.
Þere is likeƿise anoðer great note in mi draugt, þat it ƿill forestall þose ƿilling samborings, and þat atel tigt of ƿifemen morðering þeger dooklings, alack! too often amung us, blooting þe noug sackless babes, I dƿale, more to ƿare þe fee þan þe scame, hƿic ƿuld ƿeg tears and reƿð in þe most reeð and unmannisc deer.
Þe mete of souls in þis kingdom being ƿunnlig reckoned oneþusþus and a half, of þese I rime þere mag be abute tƿohundredþusand deal, hƿose ƿedƿifes are breeders; from hƿic mete I ado þirtigþusand deal, hƿo are findig to upkeep þeger oƿn cildren, (alþouge I fang þere cannot be so manig under þe nueð angst of þe kingdom) but þis being atiðed, þere ƿill bide a hundred and sefentigþusand breeders. I agen ado fiftigþusand, for þose ƿifemen hƿo misbear, or hƿose cildren die bi befalling or adel ƿiðin þe gere. Þere onlig bide a hundred and tƿentigþusand cildren of noug alders gerelig born. Þe fragn þerefore is, Hue þis mete scall be reared and beseen for? hƿic, as I haf alreadig sagd, under þe nueð scip of bisiness, is utterlig unmigtlig bi all þe costs hiðerto forðput. For ƿe can neiðer hire þem in handicraft or akertilð; þeg neiðer bild huses, (I mean in þe upland) nor tame land: þeg can sƿiðe seldom pick up a liflihood bi stealing till þeg lend at six geres eld; ack hƿere þeg are of toƿardlig deals, alþouge I andet þeg learn þe staddligs muc earlier; bin hƿic time þeg can hueefer be meetlig looked upon onlig as craftscilds; as I haf been ƿisened bi a magn goodman in þe scire of Cafan, hƿo ƿiðsook to me, þat he nefer kneƿ abuf one or tƿo brigtoms under þe eld of six, efen in a deal of þe kingdom so meer for þe cƿickest skillfulness in þat craft.
I am sickered bi ure capmen, þat a knafe or a girl, before tƿelf geres eld, is no salelig ƿare, and efen hƿen þeg cum to þis eld, þeg ƿill not geeld abuf þree punds, or þree punds and half a crune at most, on þe ƿrixel; hƿic cannot hƿarfed to rime eiðer to þe alders or kingdom, þe fee of edƿist and rags hafing been at least four times þat ƿorð.
I scall nue þerefore eaðmoodlig mean mi oƿn þougts, hƿic I hope ƿill not be scildig to þe least ƿiðsaƿing.
I haf been sickered bi a sƿiðe knoƿing Americer of mi kið in Lundun, þat a geung healðig cild ƿell cared, is, at a gere eld, a most tooðsum mooslig and hƿolesome food, hƿeðer sƿeltered, breedend, baked, or seeðed; and I make no dƿale þat it ƿill efenlig þeƿ in a fricassee, or a ragoust.
I do þerefore eaðmoodlig bid it to leed acknoƿlecging, þat of þe hundred and tƿentigþusand cildren, alreadig rimed, tƿentigþusand mag be spared for breed, hƿereof onlig one fourð deal to be ƿeres; hƿic is more þan ƿe atiðe to sceep, blackorf, or sƿine, and mi meaning is, þat þese cildren are seldom þe ƿassoms of ƿedding, a fall not muc deemed bi ure ƿilds, þerefore, one ƿere ƿill be enuge to þeƿ four ƿifes. Þat þe biding hundredþusand mag, at a gere eld, be biden in sale to þe men of ƿorð and sealð, þruge þe kingdom, alƿags reding þe moðer to let þem suck rife in þe last monð, soasto geeld þem plump, and fat for a good board. A cild ƿill make tƿo disces at a glee for frends, and hƿen þe kin eats alone, þe fore or hind deal ƿill make a rode disc, and ƿortened ƿið a littel pepper or salt, ƿill be sƿiðe good seeðed on þe fourð dag, hure in ƿinter.
I haf reckoned upon a grundline, þat a cild þen born ƿill ƿeige 12 punds, and in a soolgere, if þaflig cared, ekeð to 28 punds.
I unn þis food ƿill be sumhƿat dear, and þerefore sƿiðe seemlig for landlords, hƿo, as þeg haf alreadig fretted most of þe alders, seem to haf þe best rigt to þe cildren.
Barn’s flesc ƿill be in tide þrugeute þe gere, but more rife in Reeðmonð, and a littel before and after; for ƿe are told bi a sƿere ƿrite, a dall Frankisc leec, þat fisc being a teem dag, þere are more cildren born in Roomanisc Allig rike abute nine monðs after Lent, þan at anig oðer tide; þerefore, reckoning a gere after Lent, þe stalls ƿill be more frettel þan ƿunlig, for þe mete of Popisc barns, is at least þree to one in þis kingdom, and þerefore it ƿill haf one oðer side note, bi lessening þe mete of Papers amung us.
I haf alreadig rimed þe fee of nursing a beggar's cild (in hƿic list I reckon all ceeters, ƿorkers, and fourfifðs of þe burers) to be abute tƿo scillings a gere, rags infolded; and I beleef no goodman ƿuld bereƿ to gif ten scillings for þe lic of a good fat cild, hƿic, as I haf sagd, ƿill make four disces of utestanding edƿistlig meat, hƿen he hað onlig sum sundrig frend, or his oƿn kin to eat ƿið him. Þus þe sƿegn ƿill learn to be a good landlord, and groƿ nameknoƿn amung his huseholders, þe moðer ƿill haf eigt scillings neat geeld, and be fit for ƿork till sce forðs anoðer cild.
Þose hƿo are more þriftig (as I must andet þe times need) mag flag þe lic; þe skin of hƿic, unkindlig gearked, ƿill make aƿesum glufs for ladies, and summer higescoes for fager goodmen.
As to ure Burg of Dublin, scambels mag be stefen for þis meaning, in þe most dafen deals of it, and flescers ƿe mag be sickered ƿill not be ƿanting; alþouge I raðer rede bieing þe cildren alif, and gearking þem hot from þe knif, as ƿe do breeding pigs.
A sƿiðe ƿorðig man, a treƿ lufer of his rike, and hƿose kist I higlig ƿorð, ƿas latelig hearted in mooting on þis antimber, to bid a cooðening upon mi draugt. He sagd, þat manig goodmen of þis kingdom, hafing of late breeted þeger harts, he begot þat þe ƿant of hartmeat migt be ƿell stocked bi þe bodies of geung lads and magdens, not ofergoing fourteen geres of eld, nor under tƿelf; so great a mete of boð hoads in eferig scire being nue readig to starf for ƿant of ƿork and þeenest: and þese to be rid of bi þeger alders if alif, or oðerƿise bi þeger nearest kinscip. But ƿið due sereing to so lofesum a frend, and so meeding an eðellufer, I cannot be altogeðer in his meanings; for as to þe ƿeres, mi Americisc kið sickered me from often hent, þat þeger flesc ƿas broadlig touge and lean, like þat of ure skoolknigts, bi lasting plag, and þeger sƿecc unþƿearlig, and to fatten þem ƿuld not ansƿer þe fee. Þen as to þe ƿifes, it ƿuld, I þink, ƿið eaðmood luting, be a loss to þe leed, for þeg soon ƿuld becum breeders þemselfes: and besides, it is not umigtlig þat sum sticklig men migt be findig to edƿite suc a tigt, (alþouge indeed sƿiðe unfagerlig) as a littel rimming upon meanness, hƿic, I andet, hað alƿags been ƿið me þe strongest ƿiðsoƿ agenst anig undertaking, hue ƿell soefer meant.
But soasto rigtƿise mi frend, he andeted, þat þis behoof ƿas put into his head bi þe nameknoƿn Psalmanaazor, an inlander of þe iland Formosa, hƿo came from þens to Lundun, abuf tƿentig geres ago, and in moot told mi frend, þat in his rike, hƿen anig geung man happened to be put to deað, þe deaðsman sold þe lic to men of ƿorð, as a magn snead; and þat, in his time, þe bodig of a plump girl of fifteen, hƿo ƿas rooden for a fand to atter þe Coaser, ƿas sold to his coaserlig lonkness's magnþane of rike, and oðer great ofets of þe hoff in liðs from þe galloƿ, at fourhundred crunes. Neiðer indeed can I asake, þat if þe same brook ƿere made of manifold plump geung girls in þis tune, hƿo ƿiðute one sundrig groat to þeger ƿones, cannot stir abroad ƿiðute a seld, and ateƿ at a plaghuse and sammings in uteland fagerƿeeds hƿic þeg nefer ƿill bie for, þe kingdom ƿuld not be þe ƿurse.
Sum men of an unmoodlg list are in great keep abute þat sƿiðe mete of noug men, hƿo are forolded, addel, or manked; and I haf been gearned to hire mi þougts hƿat gang mag be taken, to eað þe rike of so sƿere a hinderlecg. But I am not in þe least smart upon þat antimber, for it is sƿiðe ƿell knoƿn, þat þeg are eferig dag dieing, and rotting, bi cold and dearð, and filð, and ƿool, as fast as can be fagerlig foredeemed. And as to þe geung ƿorkers, þeg are nueð in almost as hopeful a scip. Þeg cannot get ƿork, and þus pine aƿag from ƿant of moos, to a rung, þat if at anig time þeg are happsumlig hired to ƿunlig ƿork, þeg haf not strengð to last it, and þus þe rike and þemselfs are happilig aleesed from þe efils to cum.
I haf too long asidened, and þerefore scall efthƿarf to mi antimber. I þink þe notes bi þe foresetting hƿic I haf made are suttel and manig, as ƿell as of þe higest less.
For first, as I haf alreadig seen, it ƿuld greatlig lessen þe mete of Papers, ƿið hƿom ƿe are gere oferrun, being þe magn breeders of þe rike, as ƿell as ure most sliðe feends, and hƿo bide at home ƿið meaning ƿið a lagute to beteac þe kingdom to þe Licceter, hoping to take þeger note bi þe ƿan of so manig good Lollards, hƿo haf ceosen raðer to leafe þeger rike, þan bide at home and bie tiðes agenst þeger inƿit to a biscop career.
Tƿoðlg, Þe nouger huseholders ƿill haf sumþing ƿorðig of þeger oƿn, hƿic bi laƿ mag be made scildig to an angst, and help to bie þeger landlord’s gafel, þeger corn and orf being alreadig fanged, and scat a þing unknoƿn.
Þirdlig, Hƿereas þe upkeep of a hundredþusand cildren, from tƿo gere eld, and upƿards, cannot be rimed at less þan ten scillings a deal gerelig, þe rike’s stock ƿill be þerebi ekeð fiftigþusand punds gerelig, besides þe geeld of a neƿ disc, inbrung to þe boards of all goodmen of sealð in þe kingdom, hƿo haf anig cooðness in like. And þe scat ƿill spread amung ureselfes, þe goods being fullig of ure oƿn groƿð and crafting.
Fourðlig, Þe lasting breeders, besides þe fang of eigt scillings sterling gerelig bi þe sale of þeger cildren, ƿill be rid of þe fee of upkeeping þem after þe first gere.
Fifðlig, Þis food ƿuld likeƿise bring great sid to alehuses, hƿere þe ƿiners ƿill ƿiss be so snoter as to addel þe best agerts for cloðing it to fulfremmedness; and þus haf þeger huses oftened bi all þe fager goodmen, hƿo rigtlig ƿorð þemselfes upon þeger knoƿledge in good eating; and a skillful cook, hƿo understands hue to beseec his gests, ƿill spin to make it as dear as þeg ƿill.
Sixðlig, Þis ƿuld be a great spaning to ƿedding, hƿic all ƿise rikes haf eiðer goaded bi meeds, or forðfilled bi laƿs and ƿites. It ƿuld eke þe care and tidness of moðers toƿards þeger cildren, hƿen þeg ƿere ƿiss of a setteling for lif to þe noug babes, geefen in sum kind bi þe leed, to þeger gerelig geeld instead of fee. Ƿe sculd soon see a treƿðful ahiring amung þe ƿedden ƿifemen, hƿic of þem culd bring þe fattest cild to þe stall. Ƿeres ƿuld becum as fond of þeger ƿedƿifes, bin þe time of þeger ƿiðcildhood, as þeg are nue of þeger mares in foal, þeger cues in calf, or soƿs hƿen þeg are readig to farroƿ; nor offer to beat or kick þem (as is too often a tigt) for fear of a misbearing.
Manig oðer notes migt be recced. For fall, þe eking of sum þusand lices in ure uteforðing of bidden cue: þe streen of sƿineflesc, and bettering in þe craft of making good spicc, so muc ƿanted amung us bi þe great breeting of pigs, too often at ure boards; hƿic are no ƿag likenlig in smacc or sƿiðeness to a ƿell groƿn, fat gereling cild, hƿic breedend hƿole ƿill make a ƿorðig scape at a Lord Burgreefe’s simbel, or anig oðer leed glee. But þis, and manig oðers, I ofersit, being conig of henƿardness.
Ƿeening þat oneþusand magðs in þis burg, ƿuld be often biers for barnflesc, besides oðers hƿo migt haf it at merrig meetings, hure at ƿeddings and cristenings, I rime þat Dublin ƿuld take off gerelig abute tƿentigþusand lices; and þe rest of þe kingdom (hƿere migtlig þeg ƿill be sold sumhƿat ceeper) þe biding eigtigþusand.
I can þink of no one ƿiðsaƿ, þat ƿill migtlig be ragesed agenst þis foresetting, unless it sculd be þrafed, þat þe mete of men ƿill be þerebi muc lessened in þe kingdom. Þis I freelig oƿn, and ƿas indeed one magn lagute in offering it to þe ƿorld. I gearn þe reader ƿill ofersee, þat I rime mi boot for þis one lone Kingdom of Ireland, and for no oðer þat efer ƿas, is, or, I þink, efer can be upon Earð. Þerefore let no man talk to me of oðer behoofs: Of tolling ure ƿiðerscoƿers at fife scillings a pund: Of brooking neiðer cloðes, nor husehold homeƿare, ack hƿat is of ure oƿn groƿð and streen: Of utterlig forecƿeað þe antimbers and teƿs þat tute uteland gels: Of booting þe dearness of pride, selfƿeening, idleness, and gaming in ure ƿifemen: Of inbringing an addel of neƿdom, gleƿness and meeð: Of learning to luf ure rike, hƿerein ƿe sere efen from Laplanders, and þe heems of Topinamboo: Of gifing up ure leeðs and þeeds, nor ƿorking anig longer like þe Geudisc, hƿo ƿere morðering one anoðer at þe alðer brigtom þeger burgh ƿas taken: Of being a littel reckful not to sell ure rike and inhides for noðing: Of teacing landlords to haf at least one mark of reƿð toƿards þeger huseholders. Lastlig, of putting a list of treƿðfulness, þeedom, and skill into ure scopkeepers, hƿo, if a þƿearness culd nue be taken to bie onlig ure inborn goods, ƿuld hieinglig onelecg to sƿike and þrucc upon us in þe fee, þe mete, and þe goodness, nor culd efer get be brougt to make one fager foresetting of onlig dealing, þouge often and earnestlig infolded to it.
Þerefore I eft, let no man talk to me of þese and þe like behoofs, till he hað at least sum glimps of hope, þat þere ƿill efer be sum heartig and lutter fand to put þem into tigt.
But, as to miself, hafing been ƿearied ute for manig geres ƿið offering selfƿeening, idle, meetlig þougts, and at lengð utterlig ormood of siereeð, I hapfullig fell upon þis foresetting, hƿic, as it is hƿollig neƿ, so it hað sumþing fast and sooð, of no fee and littel arfeð, full in ure oƿn migt, and hƿerebi ƿe can berun no sliðe in misseec England. For þis kind of ƿare ƿill not bear uteforðing, and flesc being of too tid a makeup, to andet a long lasting in salt, alþouge maghaps I culd name a rike, hƿic ƿuld be glad to eat up ure hƿole rike ƿiðute it.
After all, I am not so heastlig bent upon mi oƿn ƿone, as to ƿiðsake anig offer, foreset bi ƿise men, hƿic scall be fund efenlig sackless, ceap, eað, and rineg. But before sumþing of þat kind scall forðed in eftsaging to mi draugt, and offering a better, I gearn þe ƿriting or ƿriters ƿill be cƿeemed fulƿaxenlig to reck tƿo marks. First, As þings nue stand, hue þeg ƿill be findig to find food and ƿeed for a hundredþusand brookless muðs and backs. And sƿoðlig, Þere being abute a þusþus of deers in mannisc scape þrugeute þis kingdom, hƿose hƿole edƿist put into a mean stock, ƿuld leafe þem in scild tƿoþusþus of punds sterling, eking þose hƿo are beggars bi craft, to þe bulk of bures, ceeters and ƿorkers, ƿið þeger ƿifes and cildren, hƿo are beggars in rine; I gearn þose ƿeeldcrafters hƿo unlike mi forðing, and mag maghaps be so bold to fand an ansƿer, þat ƿeg ƿill first ask þe alders of þese beings, hƿeðer þeg ƿuld not at þis dag þink it a great happiness to haf been sold for food at a gere eld, in þe ƿise I ereƿrite, and þerebi haf ƿared suc an alƿeg falling of misfallings, as þeg haf sins gone þruge, bi þe geoke of landlords, þe unmigtliness of bieing gafel ƿiðute scat or ceafer, þe ƿant of mean edƿist, ƿið neiðer huse nor cloðes to sceeld þem from þe unfagerness of þe ƿeaðer, and þe most unƿarelig migtlighood of nemmening þe like, or greater gnorns, upon þeger breed forefer.
I bode in þe lutterness of mi heart, þat I haf not þe least leedig keep in fanding to tute þis needed ƿork, hafing no oðer meaning þan þe leed good of mi rike, bi forðing ure ceafer, geefing for barns, spealing þe noug, and gifing sum cƿeem to þe ric. I haf no cildren, bi hƿic I can foreset to get a lone pennig; þe geungest being nine gears eld, and mi ƿife forðƿiten cildbearing.